Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I'm Blue ... da ba dee da ba dai ... da ba dee da ba dai ...

I got this from Mister Teacher. It's seems pretty accurate for the most part. I don't know that I'm as mellow as they say. Is it possible for a teacher to be mellow? The teachers I know are usually frazzled most of the time, including me. In any case this was interesting.

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow.
You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles.
Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

You Might Be A Teacher If ... (taken from an email)

1. You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

2. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work
8 to 3:30 and have summers free."

3. You can tell if it's a full moon without looking outside.

4. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own checkbox on a report card.

5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

7. You have no social life between August and June.

8. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO easy.

9. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.

11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."

12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.

13. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.

14. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

15. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

16. Whenever you hear a bell, you have a sudden urge to pee.

17. You can eat a four course meal in 10 minutes with time to spare.

18. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Twist On Words: Parte Deux

Little boy, while running back to his seat, pummels himself into the corner of a desk ... keep in mind the height of the desk and the regions that this corner could therefore cause discomfort to.

Little boy, yelps in pain.

"Owwwww!! I hurt my privates!!!"

Little girl #1 has witnessed this event and replies matter of factly:

"Those aren't your privates ... those are your nuts."

Little girl #2 who has also witnessed these events retorts:

"No ... those are your balls."

Heard in the walls of a grade 1 class (not mine).

These are kids who can barely string together a sentence, but ask them for synonyms of a boy's private region and they've got that covered.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Twist on Words

Teaching grade 1, it's important to have a phonics program put in place. These kids need to know what letters make what sounds. It's easy when it's simple sounds that are produced by just one letter, but it can be a bit more difficult for them when you're putting together several letters to make blends.

I ordered story books that focused on different blends so that the story had more words that contains the blend in question.

I read a story that focused on the "st" blend. It had words such as string, store, stall.

At the end of the story, there's a riddle section where the kids need to answer the riddle by using the words that were highlighted in the story.

The last riddle was:

What you would call someone who was bothering you.

The answer was "pest".

When I called on one of my students, she looked as though she had the word on the tip of her tongue but it wasn't coming out. Finally she shouted out, "pissed!"

I immediately started to smile (I couldn't keep a straight face).

"No, you mean PEST."

"Oh yeah, that's it ... pest, pest."

What I wanted to say was, "No sweetie. PISSED is what you become when someone bothers you. PEST is a name for a person who bothers you."

That totally made my day. I'm usually embarassed by kids who say inappropriate things because they don't know better, but that one just made my day.

Monday, February 5, 2007

"I will shoot myself if someone asks me that question again!"

Yes, I uttered those words to my 6 years olds. I was THAT frustrated.

Why oh why, do they feel the need to ask me the same goddamn question over and over again? The thing that gets me is that they hear another child ask this question, they hear me answer it, and yet they still feel the need to ask for themselves.

It's day's like this that I just want to tell them all to fuck off.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Nocturnal Emissions

As heard in the staffroom:

Teacher 1: I have a student who told me that he wakes up with just his underwear wet and his mom told him that he still wets the bed.

Teacher 2: Oh?

Teacher 1: Yeah but he says that the only thing that's wet is his underwear. Not his pajamas. Not the sheets. Just his underwear.

Teacher 2: Oh!

Teacher 1: So I told him that he's not wetting the bed, but that he's having what's called "nocturnal emissions" where his semen is being released because there is too much being produced. His mom was telling him that he's wetting the bed! I had to tell him the truth!

Is that appropriate?

Why Blogger is a Bitch

They bullied me into changing into the "NEW AND IMPROVED" blogger so I merged it with my other "more open" blog.

Basically I had to delete that old blog so that I wouldn't have to share the same profile with the other one. And now I've lost all of my posts and I'm just really pissed about it right now.

I hate you blogger. You hear that? Fuck you.

Brand New Blog

Because blogger is a son of a bitch!